Failure

by Justin Blackburn

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credits

released January 11, 2012

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about

Justin Blackburn Comedy/Failure Asheville, North Carolina

Hi, my name is Justin Blackburn. I perform stand up comedy and this is my first Comedy Album entitled "Failure." If you like the album and want to purchase the full album, please contact me at justinblackburn111@yahoo.com. If you find the album so hilarious that you want me to do a stand up performance at your venue, house, etc, please contact me at justinblackburn111@yahoo.com Thank you. ... more

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Track Name: THOSE POPULAR JUDGMENTAL HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS NEVER GROW UP
Here Forever

There is a reason for everything,
if you don’t stop going.

There is a solution for every problem,
if you don’t stop growing.

There is a gift you will receive,
if you keep on giving

There is a life you will believe,
if you keep on living.

To get your feet wet,
you must walk into the water.

To be a great dad,
you must forgive your own father.

Yes it takes such a long time,
but when it comes it lasts forever.

Love will find you,
when you find yourself together.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into broswer)
Track Name: YOU ALWAYS SLEEP ON TOP OF THE COVERS
Get Your Feelings Hurt

Get your feelings hurt,
walk slowly to a meaningful destination
where you know someone will insult you.

Have that someone make fun of your father,
now get become incredibly offended by it.

Walk down the street to get some Mexican food
while the whole time feeling very bad
as stars hurl themselves across the night sky
feel the loneliness in your sick, sad head.

Wonder why someone would ever say something like that to you.
Think of all the things you have said about people.
Think of all the thoughts you have had towards your father.
Question your existence.

Ask yourself what you think about your father?
Ask yourself what you think about you?
Ask yourself does it really matter what other people think?

Feel the pain of everything,
the pain of a person who feels the need to criticize,
the pain of a runaway dog,
the pain of a new born baby,
the pain of your father.
Now wonder why pain even exists.

Call the person who made fun of your father up and say,
“You know I really enjoyed that sermon you did today”

And when he asks you what are you talking about,
quickly answer, “You have really nice hair.”

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: RICH PEOPLE BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR MONEY
Kicked Out Of The Orgy By My Girlfriend

Recently the great Satan himself has been showing up out of nowhere
to fuck me raw dog, straight up the asshole, in front of everyone,
no matter where I am.

The other day I was in line buying a ticket at the movies with my
girlfriend, Satan shows up, bends me over, and fucks all the fire out of
me. Everyone at the theatre laughed at the comedy occurring in front of
their eye except my girlfriend it turned her on.

Yesterday I was in the food court at the mall
and he fucked me right in front of the Chick Fil-A.
Everyone watched in silence, amazed, the cow finally began to spell words
correctly.

Do not tell my family
but I think I am beginning to enjoy it.

My girlfriend sitting pretty on Satan’s lap at an orgy,
my jealousy shows me to the front door,
and puts my pen to the page.

Let the world know I write poetry while the people are getting laid.
Let the world know I write poetry while my girlfriend is without me at an
orgy. Let the people know Satan does not hold the keys to their shackles
unless they are willing to learn how to pick locks.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: THAT DUMBASS ROSE THAT HASN'T BLOSSOMED YET
Rose on the Rise

Point at your problems with wonderment
like you would point at a precious flower ready to bloom
on a sunny stroll through the forest,

think, “What does a flower need to grow?”
give your problems that,
plenty of easy open flowing air, fresh lively water,
and golden heaven sunlight.

Remember no one walks by a rose and says
“That rose is stupid, it hasn’t bloomed yet.”
Things take time and that is why time exists,
that is why we are here for eternity,
that is why we have endless choices,
and that is why we have the time to do what we choose.

Choose yourself and to that choice be true,
my precious rose on the rise,
perceive through the beautiful colors of your eyes,
notice your rash blasting fearful thoughts become subdued,
feel your flower mind in full bloom,
feel God loving you.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: LOVE SONGS TO MYSELF
Evidence

The gorgeous, exotic brown haired goddess angel holding my hand in the
passenger seat, the uneducated best friend midnight moonlight, Steven
Page’s voices singing from the broken radio, the police officer who died
for this highway, the life breathing, all of it is pure evidence to me that
God must love me or I must love myself or I’m doing something right or
I’m putting enough soul into my body down at the universe factory.
Of course depending on whose side you’re on…
it doesn’t matter much to me because I’m on my side…
the raw, make believe, super moon wet dark blue sky
pussy side… the evident side.

I don’t have to take a serious sip of coffee and think.
I don’t have to hire a psychic detective.
I don’t have to tell you a story.
I don’t need a scientist.
I don’t need to be told I have a big dick.
I don’t need a million dollars.
I don’t have to try to solve the murder of the missing ghost to know what
my heart desires most.
The evidence is everywhere.
The proof is in this feeling.
The killer is dancing naked in every open field.
The murder weapon is my spine.
What could you possible search for?
There is no need, no river like fire.
You are perfect God already. Why would God search for herself?
The trees have all my answers.
The burglar is always the truth and nothing can ever be stolen.
Lay your love lights inward. Love is unreally really real for real.
Destroy the seeker.
Be silent with me.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: COMEDIAN PLUS AUDIENCE EQUALS COMEDY
Good Old Fashion Saturday Night Rejection

I can laugh.
I can celebrate.
I can piss people off.
I can awaken as a baby in your arms, as a sparrow with a song.
I can fly. I can dance. I can sing. I can love.
I hurt you me.
I hurt you me so.
I have been excommunicated from every church.

Fired from every job.
Ridiculed by every camera man.
Left dead by every dog.
Rejected from every college.
Cornered by every ghost.
Crowded by every thought.
Let down by every person.
Every celebrity thinks I suck.

I can laugh.
I can celebrate.
I can piss people off.
I can awaken as a baby in your arms, as a sparrow with a song.
I can fly. I can dance. I can sing. I can love.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into broswer)
Track Name: SONG ENTITLED TITLE
Everyone Is A Dreamer In This Mirror

Everyone is a dreamer
in this mirror.
All the stars point in every direction,
shine for anyone who notices.

If you are happy and you smile
the mirror happily smiles you,
if you are scared in your dream
you dream yourself into a nightmare.

There are no thoughts or emotions out there
only what you choose to place upon it
for all form is completely formless
but I sure do think you look cute in your purple bonnet.

You might think you are a big deal
but to the mirror you are only staring at yourself,
you might even think you are real
but you are simply dreaming like everyone else.

Dreams won’t make you beautiful
only beauty will,
the mirror does not make you ugly
only the way you think you feel.

Perception is everything,
you are simply looking into your own projection.
Your mind is made up of nothing
but other people’s impressions.

How do your perceive yourself,
well boys and girls
that is how you see everyone else
and all the rest of the world.

You are everything and nothing
and not even that all at the same time,
you are infinity experiencing itself
through limited mind.


Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: IF THE BIBLE SAID
There Is Nothing Like Getting Your Heart Broken

There is nothing like getting your heart broken
to make you realize what a commonplace boring bitch you truly are.

There is nothing like having her take your heart off
like a party dress,
throw it on the floor,
and let it stay in the room
as she fucks her new dude on your parents’ bed
that makes your eyes fall back into your head
so you can clearly see you are a beggar on the street
sucking dick for candy bars.

There is nothing like awakening to a delusion
that makes you wash your confusion, brush your teeth, look in the mirror,
and take charge of that little fart staring back at you trying to breathe.

At first you might want to take revenge
but then you realize you are nothing to avenge
like dying in the name of Wal-Mart.

There is nothing like getting your heart broken
to let you know you are the chosen one
to make fun of yourself
for being exactly like everyone else
you thought was dumb.

There is nothing like getting your heart broken
to let you know
how much fun it is
to die
alone.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: SUBSTITUTE TEACHER GOD
The Gods All Wear Flowers In Their Hair

It is as if we were both born to the greenest, purest flowing fertile hills of Ireland,
but since my family was Catholic and your family Protestant, we were sworn enemies
until fate brought our thirsts together at a bar one night in America,
where after a few drinks we learned how much we had in common,
that neither of us cared much for our religion,
nor understood why we were supposed to despise each other,
and instantly we shared laughter over hating one another for so long for no real reason.

We are strangers who are starting to understand we have known each other forever.
We are neighbors who went years without speaking
until a chance meeting one day at the grocery store
to find out we were best friends as little children.
We are long lost brothers and sisters who finally found out
we came from the same womb.

Each of us as individuals, born from the wild,
the wilderness which births the animals, blossoms the flowers, believes the sky, sings the birds into flight, grows the trees, illuminates the oceans, and sets the hardworking spirits free, pours through you and me like a sun-heart-burned passenger’s moon dark prayer as he holds a giant sun flower with cool feet firm prairie grass.

There is no burden any of us need to carry.
Each of us is free, holy, hairy, and pure.
There is no division between us and Mother Earth.
Each of us a waterfall; sacred, crystallized emotions pour from our vessels and flow over the cliffs of our aspiring independence.
Each of us begin small like insects to stand up tall like mountains.
Our fathers were once babies now they are old men.
All of those before us walk with us now in spirit.
Our ancestors are our shadows.
Our darkness is our light’s best friend.


There is no separation between us and perfection.
No division between us and the cosmos.
Every time we speak the universe listens flawlessly and delivers to us our intentions, whatever they may be.
Each of us is completely unique.
Yet each one of us is a perfect part of the eternal whole.
Our hearts, our lungs, our eyes, our minds are their own planets inside the solar system of our awareness of our soul.

We are controlled only by our own interpretations of what we perceive.
Only a bitch would call another person a “bitch.”
Only a person who is weak would be cruel to a person who is weak.
We get what we accept.
We allow exactly what we receive.
We are the creators of our destinies, the movers of our atoms, the awakeners of our hearts, the stories of our memories.
There is nowhere we can be that isn’t exactly where we are meant to be.
The thought of sickness creates the doctor.
The thought of injustice creates the law and the lawyer.
The thought of fear creates the police.
Find what you think might be the missing puzzle piece and the picture you thought was always too big to see will appear at eye level clear as infinity.

Every thought is an eternity.
Time is a far fetched illusion of brain waved reality.
Everything from the future and everything from history is happening now.
The present moment is forever following us home.
The present moment is beyond our thinking ability.
The present moment is nothing we can ever own.
We are simply part of the present moment’s flow.
The present moment is changing us, growing us, learning us, and creating us until we remember we are the present moment once and for all. .

There is no God greater than the present moment.
There is no one who died that is not with us today.
There is no deity that did not come way of the present.
There is no religion that will out live the present.
There is no wilderness that the present moment will not tame.
We are forever together in present oneness and that will never change.

The Gods all wear flowers in their hair.
Pick one and put it there.

Justin Blackburn

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: EARRING
Men Holding Hands In Spring

There is nothing quite as beautiful
as men holding hands down the street
on the first day of spring
that makes the wide open alive universal heart sing
and the scared nervous close minded mouth scream
as butterflies disregard no trespassing signs
and eyes like mine of milky way gold,
see themselves grow young and old
from faraway and right inside
the place accepted and the place denied.


Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF
Love Yourself Naked

Truly love yourself,
there is no better gift you can give to you or anyone else.

Every time you wear your happiness
in the eyes of others,
your clothes become stained in their pain, their doubt, and their tears.

Skip the waiting line,
go straight to the source
take those clothes off
and love yourself naked
for there is no ancient temple as sacred
as a human being who truly loves himself.

There are always diamond thoughts in a coalmine mind
with your own belief, love, and light they are yours to find,
take them out into the daylight
shine them in the sun
and reflect light to everyone.

For when you truly love yourself
your love sees you in everything,
tears become butterflies,
fears become fireflies
and years become one smooth ride into the great eternal light.

While others are off living life,
live love.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: YIPPEE BE FREE
May You Always Be Grateful And Filled With Love And Joy

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
while shopping for socks at Wal Mart.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as your sister screams “you are a selfish asshole” to you on the phone.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
upon awakening naked and hungover in an ugly unknown’s bed.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as your wife tells you she does not love like she used to.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as the results come in, as the fire dies out, as the show ends.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
while at war, while at home, while watching yourself think.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
while confused and unsure of the point, while pointing your finger.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
while people read what you write and think it is bullshit.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as the arguments erupt, as the opinions think they matter.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
in North Korea, in New Jersey, in Cowpens, South Carolina.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as the canoe springs a leak and you sink to the bottom of the sea floor.
May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
as your best friend fucks your girlfriend and blames you for it.

May you always be grateful and filled with love and joy
when you do not know how to always be grateful and filled with love and
joy.


Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: MY GRANDMOTHER'S GOD IS A FAILURE
Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: SOMEBODY BETTER WIPE MY ASS
Belly Full of Buddha

I want to lie in the grass all day
and listen to love songs
about the way
I feel for you
but no one has written one yet.

Has any one come close?
Maybe.

But with you maybe
is as far away as tomorrow
and it is always right now
with you.

So instead I lie and listen to the wind blow,
to the green leaves on the trees move slow
like heavy lions in the jungle
with bellies full of Buddha,
to the birds sing love songs written
by dead young poets
who died in the name of a love
far beyond
naming, people, death, music, or poetry.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: COMMUNITY COLLEGE FRAT GUY
Child Be Wild

Child be wild!
You are ahead of your time,
take advantage of your innocence
with your smile,
discover your heart
and you will never have to search with your mind.

We do not need anymore of you to grow up,
we already have enough boring adults
meandering around unable to get lost or found,
acting in grown up dramas during the day,
getting stuck in the play at night
unable to lift their dreams into flight,
waking up ruled by rules cold, starved, and lonely.

Child be seen!
You are the one and only person
who can create your dream life,
remember if someone is being mean
there is a great chance they are not right,
so never stop shining your light!

We need you out here in the ever changing world
to help us remember who we were as little boys and girls
with pockets full of joy and eyes full of pearls,
open our minds to the wide winged wonder
and run into our arms at the exploding sound of thunder,
you have so much to teach us yet so much to learn
and we have no reason to reject or to be so stern.

Child be heard!
You can hear the songs
the flowers sing to the birds,
award us your sweet voice


and share the words,
show us your favorite color.

We are too caught up in the superficial politics of father and mother
too drowned out in the lifeless arithmetic of sister and brother,
our imaginations can’t remember we are imaginary
so of course we are going to tell you the world is scary,
we fired our angels and stepped on our fairies,
we burned down the magical garden and turned it into a cemetery,
we took the world’s perfect beauty and made it a burden to carry.

Child be free!
We miss ourselves nervous
but only longing for our childhood memories,
so help us by being yourself, letting yourself be,
and remembering no matter what we say
you are always perfect in every way.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into broswer)
Track Name: GUY WHO SUPPORTS LOCAL CORPORATIONS
Girls, Sometimes You Can Just Be Their Friends

Girls, sometimes you can just be their friends
like an existence that never ends.
You don’t have to try to finish it
or be nervous about asking her out on a date.

You don’t even have to live it.
You can show up late
with no plans and a six pack,
draw a picture on your forehead of grandma’s nut sack.

Girls, sometimes you can just love them for who they are
like a brave warrior.
You don’t have to try to fuck her
or get her to suck your dick.

You can just be nice to her for having pretty hair.
You don’t have to care about getting her to think you are cool by being a
prick. You can be who you are, a fading fool,
in the blessed fact that people are full of shit.

Girls, sometimes you can be compassionate to their emotions
like a silent climber in the mountains of social life.
You don’t have to be a liar to get you a wife.
You can just watch them walk away

with the understanding whatever they do, they will be ok,
because their beauty will forever take care of them.
It will forever take care of you too,
if you can learn how to do what they do.

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: PEE PANTS POOPY
Busy Day Of Ease

Today is the day all my dreams came true,
walking round thinking bout that sweet lil gal
with that old sun shining my shoes,
today is the day I look at the sky shaped like your face
and know just why I forgive you,
children bicycling from dollhouse to dollhouse,
sparrows singing smiles across the avenue,
today is the day I awoke and knew just what to do,
I see what I love and what I see loves you.

Ain’t nothing we trying to do but be happy.
Ain’t no one we trying to love but ourselves.
The only reason I was bitter towards my father
was cause I didn’t think I was my own man.
The only reason I cried over my ex-girlfriend
was cause I didn’t think my mama loved me like I think she can.
Ain’t no place we looking for we ain’t been.
Ain’t no joke been told we ain’t already laughing in.

Today is the day all my thoughts realized they don’t even have to think,
dancing dogs dining diamonds down by the lake,
wild geese waddling and crapping along the bank,
today is the day my heart wakes just to give thanks,
talking ‘bout the weather with old elementary school teachers,
cracking Jesus jokes with funny southern Baptist preaches,
today is the day I picked up the heart I left underneath the bleachers,
a basketball bounced my way so I took a shot and missed,
a cardinal flew by my eyes to tell me my fly was unzipped,
today is the day I realized why we all exist.

Ain’t no angel gonna let you die alone.
Ain’t no road that ain’t gonna take you home.
Mr. Business Suit you way too cute not to be always shining
take off your shoes, your money ain’t worth nothing no more here,


go over there and give your brother a kiss,
you ain’t got no reason to be scared to be queer.
Ain’t no thing you can be that everyone isn’t already.
Ain’t no thing falling gravity ain’t keeping steady.

Today is the day I cash karma’s check and all my bills get paid on time,
got angels sending me a million messages today
and I’m catching every one of them with my mind.
Today is the day that makes me understand there ain’t no me that ain’t
mine, garage doors gently opening, cars dressed in proper gentleman
attire, frogs croaking and joking, friends giving me hugs that set me on
fire, today is the day I silence my voice in the rat race choir.

Ain’t no man I can’t run from with grace and ease.
Ain’t no woman that ain’t beautiful to me.
Native child dusky dream jewel just because I am white
don’t mean you have to act proper around me,
let your worldly fire fly, set your hungry motives free,
jump on my table, dance on my breakfast, pump your passion and scream!
Ain’t no place you can be you ain’t meant to be.
Ain’t no Justin Blackburn that didn’t say “love everybody!”

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)
Track Name: DANE COOK TRIPPING ON SHROOMES
Poem For Michael Jackson

I called you to tell you
you died,
but your line was busy,

everyone was using your phone
to call everyone else
to tell them you died.

I let the tears pour from my dreaming eyes
and flew my unicorn into that great bakery in the sky
and there you were eating a popsicle

“Mike,” I said, “get back down there, they think you have died.”
“What does that mean?” You asked,
I explained it to you in the only way I knew how
and you jumped into my arms frantic with tears.

A hundred years passed by
and I said, “Mike, I can’t hold you for all eternity.”
“Why not?” You replied
“I don’t know.”

Justin Blackburn

Poem from my latest book "You Are Not A Normal Human Being" available at http://www.virgograypress.com/ or http://www.lulu.com/shop/virgogray-press/you-are-not-a-normal-human-being/paperback/product-20340796.html6 (copy and paste into browser)